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Journal of Social and Personal Relationships
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Lying, Cheating, Complaining, and Other Aversive Interpersonal Behaviors: A Narrative Examination of the Darker Side of Relationships

Robin M. Kowalski

Clemson University rkowals{at}clemson.edu

Sherri Walker

Rachel Wilkinson

Adam Queen

Brian Sharpe

Western Carolina University

People do a lot of mean and nasty things to one another. Collectively, these behaviors are referred to as aversive interpersonal behaviors. To examine the structural elements of different aversive interpersonal behaviors and individual differences in perceptions of those behaviors, 96 male and 149 female students each wrote a victim narrative and a perpetrator narrative about one of seven aversive behaviors: betrayal, lying, improprieties, teasing, complaining, arrogance, and dependency. Significant victim/perpetrator differences were obtained, but, importantly, they were influenced by the particular aversive behavior being examined. Relative to perpetrators, victims perceived betrayal, lying, teasing, and arrogance more negatively. Victims and perpetrators did not differ in their evaluations of complaining and dependency. In addition, differences among victims and among perpetrators were obtained such that victims evaluated the behaviors of betrayal, lying, and arrogance as more aversive than the other behaviors. Perpetrators reported feeling more guilt when they had perpetrated a betrayal than when they had complained or engaged in excessive reassurance-seeking. Implications of these differences for relationships are discussed.

Key Words: aversiveness • narratives • relationships

Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, Vol. 20, No. 4, 471-490 (2003)
DOI: 10.1177/02654075030204003
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[Abstract] [PDF]