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Disconfirming communication and self-verification in marriage: Associations among the demand/withdraw interaction pattern, feeling understood, and marital satisfaction

Indiana University Southeast, hweger{at}ius.edu

This study examines the link between communication and self-verification in marriage. A theoretical model that explains the relationships among disconfirming communication, perceptions of self-confirmation, and marital satisfaction is proposed and tested. The demand/withdrawal conflict pattern in marriage is hypothesized to result in the disconfirmation of the demanding spouse’s identity (i.e., feeling misunderstood). Furthermore, the affect of the demand/withdrawal interaction pattern is predicted to be mediated by perceptions of self-confirmation. Fifty-three married couples completed questionnaires that measured the perceived quality of the marriage, the perception that they are understood (or self-verified) by their spouse, and the degree to which the demand/withdrawal pattern of communication occurs during conflicts. Results indicate that both husbands and wives feel less verified by their partner when their partner withdraws from conflict. Results also indicate that the influence of demand/withdrawal on marital satisfaction is completely mediated by self-verification for husbands and partially mediated by self-verification for wives.

Key Words: conflict • demand/withdrawl • disconfirmation • marital conflict • perceived understanding • self-verification

Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, Vol. 22, No. 1, 19-31 (2005)
DOI: 10.1177/0265407505047835


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